I'm Okay, You're Okay: On Target Markets

There is a thing I have noticed in pretty much every walk of life where money is exchanged, and that thing is this:

"Well if so and so wants MY money...." 

"If that plumber wants MY money he better be willing to work on weekends!" "If that designer wants MY money she better use yarn that I can afford!" "If that clothing company wants MY money they better use exclusively organic cotton!" "If that business wants MY money they better put their phone number in their ads!" "I would never give MY money to someone with a dressed-up cat in their commercial!"

Dunno who this guy is but I want us to be bffs. 

Many people seem to think of themselves as the ultimate consumer- as though *their money* is the grand prize that every business in the world should be bending over backwards to get. But here's the thing:

Not everyone wants your money. 

Sometimes they want somebody else's money- maybe someone who feels the polar opposite of the way you feel. And that's okay. Businesses have target markets, and a lot of the time? You are not in it. They don't want your money, because you will not be happy with their product, and unhappy customers are neither fun nor profitable. For example, I will probably never do significant business with a company that doesn't have a website or communicate by email. I don't like using the phone, and I am not about to start unless it's absolutely necessary. Ariel at the Offbeat Empire sites has posted about how she gently discourages advertisers who will only work by phone, because she knows that HER target market (which I fall into pretty solidly, except that I've never seen Dr Who) is websavvy and largely phonephobic.

But that's okay! Because there are people out there who hate the internet (gasp!) and will only do business over the phone and that's who the phone-businessers should be focusing on. There's no point in my bitching about someone who relies on the phone when I could just find someone who's happy to email me and let phony-mc-phone-pants deal with someone they're right for instead. To do otherwise is like complaining to some random guy "Hey, you are not my dream man, WTF? This is your fault, and a serious failing on your part. I am telling everyone I know that you suck."

This guy can be in our club too.

Recently I saw some folks talking about how they don't like "styled" photos on knitwear patterns- they prefer to see the item in question on a plain background with a plain outfit so they can see the barebones details with minimal distraction. That's fine, but... that'll never be me. I love the styling part (even if I'm occasionally a little lazy about it.) I like finding interesting backdrops. I try to take lots of pictures that will give people all the information they need, but they're never going to be done in a clinical, methodical way. So what? That just means that those folks are not my target market. If I were to worry about losing those customers and change my ways to please them, I'd displease people who like styled pictures. So never the twain shall meet. But (I'll say it again) that's absolutely okay! It ain't nothin' personal and there are designers out there who work differently and who'll love to have their business. (It may shock you to learn that I'm also not too big among devoted lace knitters and people who hate hats. Whodathunk?)

Is this distracting enough or should I put some more shit in the background?

Basically... no business can please everyone. No anything can please everyone. Just remember, when you see something you think is ridiculous, or stupid, or overpriced, or ugly, or otherwise somehow displeasing to you... chances are good that it's simply not "for" you. And. That's. Okay. 'Cause it's probably for someone.*

 
(Twisp and Catsby are definitely "for" me, btw. Also I realize this comic seems to be making the opposite point, but it's funny anyway.)

*I think the now-retired site Regretsy did a pretty good job of demonstrating this- no matter what weird, bizarro stuff they posted, someone out there thought it was amazing and bought it up immediately. 

"The Room" Valentines

Okay first of all, it's not funny if I have to explain it, so if you haven't seen "The Room" you can remedy that here. Go on, trust me, it's worth it. These'll still be here when you get back.

If you are already familiar with Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece, you can express your love the Room way this Valentine's day with the following grainy jpegs:

You're welcome. 

Eyeshadow Follow-up

After yesterday's post I went a bit nuts and cream-i-fied pretty much all the powders I had that had enough room in their jars, using the oil & alcohol method. The diffferent powders all react a bit differently to the process- some mix easily, some definitely do not, some have dried well, some are still very liquidy (which might have to do with how much oil I added vs how much stuff was left vs the texture of the powder vs whoknowswhatelse.)

All are fairly usable, though I'm going to let a few dry out a bit more before I put the caps on.

On the top is the dry powder, bottom is the new cream. 

Bathroom Chemistry: Cream Shadows from Powders

I have a really hard time finding affordable cream eyeshadows that don't contain yicky ingredients. I thought I'd hit paydirt when I found this etsy seller, but unfortunately she puts a sizable amount of fragrance in every batch and it's too strong for me to use (which sucks because I bought a LOT of it. If it weren't for the perfuminess, I'd love the heck out of it- it works well. But seriously, why does eyeshadow need to have a smell!?! *Weep* But it's my own fault for not reading carefully.) 

Anyway, I thought maybe it would be easy to turn some of my mineral powders into creams. You can always mix them with water right before you put it on, but that's not the same and requires an extra step... I know I'd use them more if they were creams. Googling around, I found two methods: the alcohol and oil method, and a bunch of people just mixing the shadow with primer. I grabbed two powders that I like but don't use that often and gave them each a whirl. 

  The Powders: 

 

 Both are loose mineral powders from Shiro Cosmetics (don't click that unless you want your money to leave you in a hurry. So. Sparkly. So. Pretty. So. Nerdy.) The one on the left of the tattoo-line is Impossible, on the right is More Sugar. Both are very sheer when applied dry- Impossible is basically just a faint shimmer. 

Alcohol and Oil Method:

I used grapeseed oil, because it has a pretty long shelf life and shouldn't go rancid before I finish using up the shadow. My rubbing alcohol was only 70% but, y'know, use what you have, right? I followed the directions, mixing everything up in the original container with a fondue fork, which was... a tad messy. I'm not sure if I really got to the "smooth liquid/paste starting to separate from the alcohol and look lumpy and curd-like" stage, because I ran out of room in the container and couldn't add more oil. I figured it'd just end up being a little on the dry side maybe. It also never reached a point where I could "tip off the excess alcohol" and several hours later was still looking odd and soupy, but the next day....

 

That's totally how it's supposed to look! Omg!

 

It must have just taken forever to evaporate because my alcohol wasn't very high-proof or whatever. But it totally works! The shimmer + oil gives it a "wet shine" kinda look which can be sort of intense but isn't too overpowering in such a light color. I look forward to trying it with some serious-business colors though. 

Pros:

It works

You get to feel like a mad scientist

The ingredients are cheap and nontoxic (once the alcohol evaporates)

Removes easily with soap, make up remover, or whatever else you'd use on a mineral shadow

Cons:

Definite waiting period fraught with uncertainty

Will eventually go rancid if I don't use it up

Alcohol smells bad (not a problem once it evaporates, just when you're using it.) 

Involves fiddly meting out of liquids into tiny containers

 Just Mix it With Primer Method:

I don't usually use primer but I had a little tube of this that came with a shadow set, so that's what I used. It has fewer nasty ingredients than most primers do, but it's also a very thick gel, which turned out to be a big mistake. It was NOT stirrable. I made a huge mess trying to mix it in before finally giving up and putting the whole shebang in a bigger container, where I continued to make a huge mess. It was thick enough that it really needed to be kneaded in, by tiny little fairy hands, or perhaps by these guys. But since I had no baby loris handy, I just hacked away awkwardly with my fondue fork, and basically ended up with powder-covered wads of primer surrounded by chunks of powder.

   

Also I spilled some of the "Impossible" earlier. Eyeshadow everywhere.

 Applied, it does resemble something like a cream shadow....

   

... but too chunky and uncontrollable to be useful. I might sacrifice an old paintbrush later and see if I can't mix it together more uniformly. I think, though, that with a thinner primer, this might have worked well. (It was also a nightmare to get off. Actually some of it is still on there.)

Pros:

Probably would work with a thinner primer

Immediate results

Easy, since there are only two ingredients

Shouldn't really ever go bad

Will stay on for.ev.er. 

Cons:

Does NOT work well with thick primer

Is only as non-toxic as the ingredients in the primer (and usually they're horrible)

You don't get to feel like a fancy alchemist

Will stay on for.ev.er. 

In conclusion: My husband is a wonderful and tolerant man and I hope that the fact that our bathroom looks like the scene of a brutal fairy murder will not be a dealbreaker, because that shit is not easy to get off when it's glued on with primers and oils. 

(Also, I like the first method better.) 

Christoween Part 3: Decor

Wrapping up the goodness that is Christallowmasween, we have...decor! I basically gathered up all the vaguely spooky items that we own and put them on the mantel, plus lights and a few dining room things. I actually really like the mantel and have no intention of moving the stuff on top, though I'll take the lights and hanging "Creepy Fabric" down (that's what it was labeled as at Target. Awesome.)

Sup, dead wedding flowers?

Army of owls!!

Apparently owls are very spooky this year. 

But are they as spooky as whiskey ads from 80's playboys and octopi??

 

 

 

This candle (and it's identical twin) was a gift from Travis's late grandmother. They are so divinely creepy and awesome and amazing. Low res action shot here. 

 

That's a snake skin the jar, there. From Long Charles (our under-porch snake), we think.

All of my plants end up dead or mutated :-(

Is that not the most perfect book of Poe tales you've ever seen?

Know what's totes creepy? Iodine and insulin. FROM THE PAST!! WOOooOOOooo.

And here are a few night shots:

 

 

See my new Chibi Totoro??? I screamed a little when I opened it. I didn't even like the movie that much but Chibi Totoro is my favorite thing that ever was. Since he is kind of a ghost he gets to be on the creepy mantel. 

 

The weird thing is that those green dots that are in every picture seem to have come from nowhere, which obviously means they're ghosts, because there is no other explanation, like camera weirdness or something. Nope. Ghosts. 

 

Oh, and we found a tree-topper! Kinda. It's an ornament. But whatever, close enough!

And thus concludes the holiday abomination that is Christoween. Next year I'm thinking...seafoam and red. But we'll see. OMG WHAT IF WE DID VALENTMAS? Or St. Hallowtine's.... 

BITSHBOBW of the Day: Label Shit

(That's, "Brilliant Idea That Should Have Been Obvious But Wasn't" - it wouldn't all fit in the title bar.)

I am sort of a notebook addict. I love a fresh, empty notebook. I fantasize about doing wonderful, organized, productive things with them. Whenever I'm feeling ambitious I buy a new notebook because clearly that is the first step to success with, um, anything.

Unfortunately my notebook usage habits don't really live up to the daydreams. I tend to grab whichever one is nearest whenever I want to write something. Which means I have somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 notebooks (or folders full of loose papers, we're counting those too) that, for the most part, contain absolutely no logical combination of content. If I want to find, say, the notes I took on a particular book I read, I have to look through every single one until I find it (assuming I bothered actually noting what book I was reading...which, as I discovered today, I'm not great about. TITLES ARE IMPORTANT. And I have pages upon pages of notes that make absolutely no sense because I didn't label what they were for. They're just random lists of words. But I digress.)




So today I put on my new christmas-present CD (David Byrne & St Vincent...I'm liking it, I think), plopped myself in front of the heater, and went through every notebook in my possession and made little sticky labels for the front telling me WTF is inside them. (The sad part is that I consider this a perfectly enjoyable friday night activity. Self-employment is weird.)

I don't know why I didn't think of that before. If I can actually keep things to the most appropriate notebook (or at least add a label when I use it for something new) I might actually be able to make use of the darn things.


Just to give you an example of my scattershot approach to notebooking, one of them now says:

- Bath & Body Recipes
- Product Reviews
- Terrarium Notes
- House Maintenance To-Do List
- Doomsday Costume Lists
- Knit Idea Sketches

That last one is on probably a solid 3/4 of notebooks :-/  Eep.

But yeah. Not a terrible start to "Get Your Shit Together 2013", considering it's 2012. (Nevermind that "Get Your Shit Together" is my resolution pretty much every year. It turns out that it's an ongoing thing. Like laundry. Never done.)

Christoween Part 2: Gift wrap

I'm kinda weird, I love wrapping gifts. I spend way too much time and money on it. I grew up in a home where we were very "anything goes" with Christmas decorations- no Martha Stewarty tree themes, lots of mismatched giftwrap and bows and ribbon. Which is great and fun, and I think if Travis had his way we'd definitely go that route, but now that I get to do Christmas "my way" I think I'm rebelling by getting all matchy-matchy about it and all ;-) I like Martha Stewart, dammit.

(It helps that I don't have kids, playing Santa would probably wear out the best of my intentions.)

Anyway! Giftwrap!

I went with kraft-brown, black, white, gray, and little touches of orange, especially in the ribbons. I had some tiny old paper "luggage tags" or whatever you call them, so used those for names. There are some mini unbreakable ornaments on a few of them.

 

 The stamp set I used for my wedding place cards just happened to have a pumpkin! Those labels are leftover from our invitations, too. Here are the insides (sorry, cell pic):

 

 

 I would never put a subtle ribbon cross of St Peter on a child's Christmas present. What would make you say such a thing? (I didn't really mean to, it just happened.) 

 

Travis let me decorate my own presents (he wrapped them) because he knows how psychotic I get about these things. (Um, so, of course I used a weird mesh tube thing that I didn't actually want to part with because I have crazy dreams of putting it on a hat. Heh.)

By the time I got to my sister's gifts, I was out of useful bags and ended up putting them in these weird planters I got from Ikea awhile ago. They're cool, but the bottoms are rounded which is a wee bit impractical.

And then there's this, my pièce de résistance:

 Fuck yeah spider bow.

 

Nevermind the tape...I was worried hot glue would melt the weird gummy-rubber. (And obviously those are the only two options.)

 (Bonus shot:

   

 That's our weird faux fur tree skirt, peeking through... and the beginnings of a REAL spiderweb. After being up for like a week. Ridiculous.)


PS, Happy Apocalypse! If you missed it, there's a sale on over at my other blog.