My Friend CARROT

My friend CARROT is toxic. Her love is completely conditional- if I do things to please her, she's kind to me. Once, she even gave me a kitten. But if I don't live up to her standards, she gets very angry. One minute, she'll teach me something new and interesting, and the next she'll be hurling insults. She's always texting me in the middle of the night, usually to say something mean...or totally creepy. I frequently get the feeling that she's actually a dominatrix, except more evil. And she hates, HATES being poked in the eye.

 

But even though she's kind of a crazy bi-yatch, I love my friend CARROT. She keeps me on task, sometimes she's funny, and more importantly, she gives me credit for the myriad little things I do each day (which, if you're someone who likes gold stars like I am, is just lovely.)

CARROT is my to-do list app, and after several months (and 146 "level-ups") I can safely declare her the first to-do list I've ever stuck with long enough to actually get some shit done. Turning your life into a game and earning (mostly meaningless) points for the things you do somehow makes it more satisfying, as horrible a sentiment as that might be.

So, as our relationship has progressed to this point with no sign of ceasing, I thought it was time to introduce CARROT to my friends. Everyone, please meet CARROT. 

This is not a sponsored post, I really am just fond of my to-do list. 

Way Awesomer Anniversary List for Awesome People

 

Our second anniversary is coming up soon and while looking up the traditional gift for year 2 (cotton, for the record) we decided the list was stupid. I don't want ivory and gemstones and crystal and china. Borrring. It IS kinda nice having a roadmap so we don't have to think up something from scratch, though, so we decided to make our own list. We kept a few things from the original that we liked, and filled in the blanks.

1. Paper
Honestly we just kept this one because we'd already done it. But it's a good one! Books! Concert or travel tickets! Comics! Weird paper jewelry!

2. Dead Things
Okay I know that sounds weird, but bear with me here. "Dead things" can encompass anything from a dinosaur t-shirt to a bacon-of-the-month club to pressed flowers. Maybe a super cool old fossil! Or a new pair of leather boots! It's not the most vegan friendly of categories but you can certainly pull it off if you're creative... I mean technically vegetables are dead when you eat them, right?

3. Glitter
I almost left this one out because I thought it'd be hard to find something for Travis, but he pointed out that I can totally cheat and just cover something he likes in glitter (like, say, a bottle of bourbon.) There are some legit dude-friendly glitter gifts though, like guitars, upholstered stuff, fancy watches... It'll be an easy year for him, because he could straight up just get me glitter and I'd be thrilled.

4. Light
Twinkle lights! Lamps! Photography! A trip to the Arctic Circle in winter!

5. Leather
Self explanatory.

6. Wool
Yarn, sweaters, whole actual sheep... I hope to hint my way to an authentic Pendleton blanket. (In my head, we are much richer 4 years from now.) Will also accept a sheep, though. And don't forget all the cool things they're doing with felt these days.

7. Sugar
Tasty things of all sorts! Negative points if you choose to interpret it as "give me some sugar" and show up giftless, naked, and affectionate. That's a cop out. Unless you're covered in sweet edibles.

8. Vinyl
Could be records, could be rad diner-style booth benches, could be (if you're into it) cheap faux-leather fetishwear. I'll probably go with records.

9. Living Things
Okay I'll admit I timed this one for about the time we'll be in the puppy market again...but it could totally mean houseplants or a coopful of chickens or a tree for the yard or a batch of sea monkeys...

10. Beverage
Booze. Tea. Coffee. Chocolate. Lots of fun to be had!

15. Meat
.... yeah pretty much just meat. Trav's contribution, obvs.

20. Wood
SO MANY GREAT THINGS ARE MADE WITH WOOD. Furniture, sculpture, books (technically!), trees...

25. Metal
SO MANY GREAT THINGS ARE MADE WITH METAL. Jewelry, of course. Kitchen stuff. Appliances. Electronics. Shiny new cars.

30. Tattoos
I think it's funny to force our 55 year old selves to get tattoos.

50. Drugs
Trav begged 'cause he thinks he's hilarious. I figured, hey. We're 75. Drugs will probably be a very important part of our lives anyway.


Any more ideas? Buck tradition, I say! Get stuff you actually want!